Dealing with alcoholics

It is a rare person who has not agonized over someone else's drinking. Whether it involves a friend, family member or co-worker, there exists a great deal of confusion regarding what a person can or should do to help.

The first barrier is the stigma associated with alcoholism and other drug addictions. We are hesitant to approach problem drinkers because we don't want to embarrass or shame them. Yet we don't feel that way about other diseases. Perhaps we have heard that "only the alcoholic can decide if he has a drinking problem" This is nonsense; quite the opposite is true. Because alcoholism is a disease that tells the afflicted person that he or she doesn't have it, the alcoholic is often the last person to recognize his or her own problem. And that, as in any addiction, is the nature of denial.

So, we should not hesitate to discuss our concerns with someone who appears to have an alcohol problem. At the same time, understand that the alcoholic, when initially confronted, will likely dismiss your concerns and become angry. But don't let this deter you. Share your thoughts honestly and lovingly.

Choosing to talk about our concerns is a great step, but we must go further. We need to become fully aware of the basic facts about alcoholism and other drug addictions. Free educational brochures offered at The Counseling Center provide a good start, and among them is a self-test that can assist someone in seriously considering his or her drinking as a problem. Specifically, answering "yes" to two or more of the following questions is indicative of a problem with alcohol.

1. Can you handle more alcohol now than when you first started drinking?
2. Have you ever been unable to remember part of the previous evening's events?
3. When drinking with other people, do you ever try to have a few extra drinks that they don't know about?
4. Do you sometimes feel uncomfortable if alcohol is not available?
5. Are you in more of a hurry to get your first drink of the day than you once were?
6. Do you sometimes feel guilty about your drinking?
7. Has a family member or close friend ever expressed concerns about your drinking?
8. When you are sober, do you sometimes regret the things you did or said while drinking?
9. Have you sometimes failed to keep promises you made to yourself about cutting down on your drinking?
10. Have you ever had a DUI or other legal problem related to your drinking?

I remember hearing a recovering alcoholic tell his story.

"A good friend," he said, "told me one day that he thought my problems were caused by my drinking. I told him he was crazy. I got mad and I didn't speak to him for several days. But you know, I never forgot what he said. I know his words eventually helped me to get sober. In fact, his words haunted me."

Just as important as what words are spoken is how they are spoken. Words spoken in anger or with a judgmental attitude are never helpful. We must always remember that we are dealing with a sick person who needs to get well, not a bad person who needs to be good. Our message must be loving. Our message must bring hope and recovery.

For more information, visit the main office of The Counseling Center and select any of our free brochures. You also may email your questions or comments to ehughes@thecounselingcenter.org.